i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
