she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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