You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
