You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
