Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
