god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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