I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Pants are for mortals
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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