Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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