I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
