Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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