overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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