I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
