We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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