There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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