My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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