1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
