do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
