What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
