I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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