yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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