got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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