She said her name was "party"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize