shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
