people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize