Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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