I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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