I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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