Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
