You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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