Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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