I haven't been this sober since birth.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
