guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
