Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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