We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
