Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize