my sisters under your porch take her home
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
