I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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