I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
