Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
