I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
