My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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