im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
