I wannas sexs uuuuu
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
