I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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