ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
