don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
