You really coming over, don't trick.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
