The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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