Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
