Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
