and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
