Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
