That's intense
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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