Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize