I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
