Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
