why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
