mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
