But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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