So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize