you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
