That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
