On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
