You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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