you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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