since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
