On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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