the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
