I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
