Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize